The Raw and Vulnerable Truth

 

Recently, I have had so much I want to say, but haven’t had the words.

I am going through deep trauma work with my Neurofeedback work and my therapy sessions to clear my field and body of the horrendous ways I have treated myself and shown up for myself.

It has been some of the most challenging work I have ever worked through.

And of course, life throws me a ton of shit to deal with so that I have something to bring up immense amounts of trauma to see it, process it and do life differently.

I am working through so much shame around how I have shown up for life. Or more to the point, how I haven’t.

What I am seeing is my mess.

Chaos.
Heartbreak.
Pain.
Lack of trust.
Disappointment.
Fear.
Lack of self-worth.
Horrendous voices in my mind.
Conflict.
Struggle.

I am sitting with all the ways I create this in my life.

And doing my best not to hate myself for being human and the many stupid choices I have made, and the many horrid ways I have treated myself and those I love most.

In a far deeper way, I am currently learning to have compassion and love for myself and others.

And the truth is, I have had such a hard time really sharing these pieces of myself because I was raised to wear an ‘invisible mask’ and pretend that everything is all ‘perfect’ when it’s not.

And what is perfection anyway, but a ridiculous false pretence that keeps us beating ourselves up when we continuously fail to be that ‘perfect’ image of ourselves?

It’s exhausting.

So right now, in this moment, when someone asks me ‘How are you?’

The answer is MESSY.

I am being challenged from every direction to find a voice where I have previously stayed quiet.

I am being asked to stand up for myself and allow myself to choose me.

I am being asked to see the ways I have responded to deep-seated trauma for a lifetime and love myself, no matter how much it makes me cringe.

I am being asked to release these low vibrational energy pockets that have been trapped in my body and transmute it into a higher vibration.

I have said this many times and I’m sure I will say it many more…

MONEY DOESN’T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS.

It can help you get the support to solve them, but having money doesn’t change you from being human and experiencing life’s fullness.

I am human, dealing with overcoming addictions and debilitating bi-polar tendencies, an intense year of Covid and all that has brought with it, an entrepreneur, an investor, a lover, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a soul, light, and so much more.

And I am not perfect.

I am perfectly imperfect.

I had a privileged upbringing, and I am blessed for that. It also told me that I am not allowed to be messy and that any messy stays hidden behind the closed door.

But that is not the reality of life.

I have also carried with me that because I have had privileges that most will never experience, any abusive behaviour I have experienced is ok because I am so lucky.

(All abuse is not physical. Mental and emotional abuse don’t leave external bruises but they sure do on the inside).

It is not ok.

And it is not ok to beat myself up over and over again on loop for letting it happen from many people in my life and then treating myself as badly as the abusers ever did and probably even worse.

It is not ok to be the abuser because someone did it to me.

(I know some of my motherhood moments have been so cringe-worthy, and I wish I could take back those horrid words and manipulation thrown at my boys. I know I’m not the only mama with these moments. ;-))

And it’s ok to forgive myself for not knowing any better and not being able to do it differently.

It’s ok to love myself.

It’s ok to love you.

It’s ok to love humanity.

It’s ok to be real and raw and share the humaness of this journey, because I am no different than any of you.

It’s ok to have messy moments and also be amazing at the work I do with my clients.

The way to quantum leap your way to success is not through avoidance. It’s through facing all your stuff head-on. Being willing to see it and love yourself through it.

This is the journey. And it’s not one to do alone.

I am a Being here trying to figure out how to make sense of this thing called life right alongside with you.

And on the journey, doing my best to make the most of it.

I am finding my voice in a new way.

I am going to make a conscious effort to share more of the stories of my low-points because there is no shame that needs to be carried for me or you.

I give my clients a safe space to be loved through their stories.

Everything is welcome and they feel safe to share it all so they can heal.

And yet I haven’t given myself that space as fully as I can.

I have learned so much from the hardest lessons in life.

It’s in those moments that we see who we really are and get to choose how we show up for ourselves when it matters.

Today… I am here to send you love.

I know I’m not alone in this experience.

I know I am not the only person in the world dealing with big stuff right now.

I know this year has asked us to let go of all that is no longer serving us to create a new way forward.

Well, as we shift our lives, there is a messy middle.

Get ok being in the messy middle.

You are human.

And being human has some messy moments.

And that is ok.

Just remember, you are doing the best you can with the resources you have available and you are enough.

I see you.
I feel you.
I know you.
You are enough.

Sending love.

PS- If you want a safe space to move through your stories and fall in love with yourself, for all of it, reach out to work with me 1 on 1.

If you want a safe space to clear the looping stories you are telling yourself that are keeping you stuck on repeat and completely step into a new story for your life, reach out to work with me.

I am calling in 3 x 1-on-1 clients to deep dive and completely shift your financial paradigm.

We teach what we most need to learn.

Well… I have learned a lot. 😉 And I’m excited to see these three people re-wire their experience of money and wealth and live their most abundant lives ever.

Don’t let your ego limit you in any way. You are limitless. And having more of all that you desire, even if you are telling yourself that it is ‘enough’, is your birth rite.

Stop limiting yourself.

I have a lot of great things in my life. And I am not ashamed for wanting even more.

Whatever you can imagine, you can have. Let me help you find your path to the most abundant, vibrant, loving version of life.

It’s what I choose.

Are you willing to let all that is no longer serving you die to have even more amazing?

You deserve that and more.

Drop LOVE below if you want more info or PM me to play.

As my group programs grow, these one-on-one experiences will not happen this way.

You will be thanking me at the end of this.

Say yes to you. <3

#TogetherWeRise #lovewins #forgiveness #traumawork #traumahealing #thewealthalchemist #changingancestralpatterns #thenewwealth

Hair: Shay Larsing