DIG DEEP
Reflections on 2019
This year was one of the biggest years of my life. I made a choice at the beginning of 2018 to DIG DEEP.
Deeper than I ever have before.
I knew when the year started… I wanted to finally have the breast reduction that I had been talking about for many years.
It was also the year to turn 40.
My gram died 23 December, 2017 and whilst she was 100yo and it was coming… it threw me into a tailspin as she truly is the person in my life I have looked up to most.
For months… she was channeling through me at high speed and sometimes I couldn’t turn it off. Upgrades. New info. Wanting me to carry on legacy things…
At the same time… my 5yo ‘baby’ get a space in the full time kindergarten program at school.
It meant a WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF FREEDOM that I hadn’t experienced in NINE YEARS. Nine years of kids around.
And now all of a sudden… 5 days a week to work school hours. WOW. Two massive life transitions to cope with at the same time.
The beginning of the 2018-19 school year found the in gymnastics team training NINE HOURS A WEEK. MORE free time to pour into myself and my work.
On a physical level… so many shifts in my world taking place.
On a spiritual, emotional, and mindset level… I went ALL IN on my work.
Spending hours a day, thousands and thousands of dollars and hours with mentors to dive into ME. I invested more in the past year working with coaches, mentors, healers than ever before. TOTALLY UNCERTAIN of HOW I would recover the costs of that, but TRUSTING
I knew… if I wanted to do the breast reduction surgery…if I didn’t work with myself on a deep level to shift why and how I had gotten to where I was in the first place… I would just end up back there and that was not what I was willing to do.
Not only that.. I was ready for more.
And whilst I am an epic manifestor that has lived a very good life…
there was a lot that wasn’t in complete alignment.
And I knew it was up to ME to BE THE PERSON WHO CREATES MY DREAMS and it was time to take my life up another level.
In March… I did what felt like the craziest thing at the time…
a 10 day road trip alone.
I had my first 3 Kambo ceremonies back to back. I was kissed by the frog and it was INTENSE.
The process clears you out.
On all levels.
And whilst it’s physically one of the most intense experiences I have ever put myself through on purpose…
What unfolded afterwards… OH MY.
I set a bomb up in my life.
Literally.
I blew up EVERYTHING not working for me.
I confronted ALL THE PEOPLE who I realised I was not in complete truth with and shared my truth. GOOD OR BAD. To tell people I loved them, if I hadn’t. To tell people that the relationship wasn’t working the way I wanted it to, if it wasn’t… This was with friends, family and my hubby.
For about 2 months mid-year… I honestly didn’t knew if our marriage would survive. There were multiple days I didn’t know if Hugh would come home.
It was INTENSE.
I knew there were patterns I was playing in the relationship that didn’t serve me or us.
I began to see how much I didn’t show up fully as me in the relationship in order to keep the peace (a lifelong pattern I have worked on breaking over the last couple years). And he didn’t like it.
I shifted and changed and I stood in my truth in a way that I hadn’t before.
I CHOOSE THAT IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE… I WOULD NO LONGER FEELS ASHAMED FOR ANYTHING I DO OR ANY WAY THAT I SHOW UP.
If it’s in full alignment with MY SOUL then that is ALL THERE IS TO IT. No questions asked… AND NO SHAME.
I was tired of feeling trapped in my own body, soul, life… by showing up how OTHERS wanted me to so that I could KEEP THE PEACE.
NO MORE.
And it pushed buttons.
But I knew that any relationship that I had that I felt ashamed of my actions because of THEIR BELIEFS was not a relationship that I wanted to be in.
It meant a deeper level of acceptance for all that I am and all that they are.
And in my most important relationships… they made it through this fire. This destruction and are finding new footing. A way deeper love and level of acceptance. And I am SOOO GRATEFUL I had the strength and courage to spend three months blowing up my life.
It was hard. I will not lie. I wondered how I would make it through. Each day brought challenges.
And I just took each day as it came.
At the same time…
I brought in more money than I have ever received, by far.
It asked me to step up in the way I think about money, the way I handle money, and the decisions I make around money.
Which brings me to the goddess retreat in September in Ibiza.
OMG… That is forever in my soul.
I am so grateful that after so much blowing up… I had the space to heal and dive deep into my womb space. Dive deep into the void.
I’m so grateful that i chose to overcome EVERY obstacle (and there were MANY) to get to Ibiza. TO fall in love with me.
The one that was standing in my truth and living a soul-aligned life… and taking that experience of myself to the next level… allowing myself to heal so many of the feminine wounds and connect with pieces of my goddess self that I simply would not have found otherwise.
It changed me forever.
And only weeks later… a super intense body re-construction surgery.
Which is still unfolding, but so many lessons in that.
mostly… Sitting in the void. Sitting in the silence. Sitting in the ALLOWANCE.
I have been running at not even half speed since then. Barely able to work ON my business for months. The recovery has been SO MUCH MORE INTENSE than I expected.
And with that… the momentary worry of how will I bring in more clients and pay the bills if I am not able to show up and do what I do to bring in clients?
And then the surrender, knowing… I’M ALWAYS LOOKED AFTER. ALWAYS. And trusting that all will be ok.
AND from the ashes comes more than I could have imagined.
New opportunities.
People showing up.
Clients appearing out of nowhere.
our 90% automated business completely taking off.
A true lesson for me in ALLOWANCE, RECEIVING and what is REALLY necessary or NOT necessary to bring in an abundant flow.
We often make ourselves SO BUSY to feel better about our existence. But that business doesn’t necessarily get you where you want to go.
AND… it often leads to burnout.
So… I let go of 2018 in that knowing and keep reminding myself that I don’t have to be BUSY to create my dreams.
I have to live a life of complete soul-alignment.
And the past 3 months… soul-alignment has asked me to SLOW THE F DOWN and I’m in complete awe at what has transpired because of this deep listening and the physicality of literally having to sit my ass down and do nothing.
2018 was conscious and purposeful in everything I did. And I became the person who shows up and creates an extraordinary life on all levels… a life of complete soul-alignment.
I’m so grateful for the wild ride that was 2018.
AND…
I’m beyond excited for what 2019 is ALREADY bringing.
If you are ready to bring in an EXTRAORDINARY 2019. I would love to be a part of your journey.
Join me in Limitless. we start 28 Jan.
Or join me in my 90% automated biz and get ready to have a product and platform that will allow you to create financial abundance in the most incredibly automated way. It BLOWS MY MIND.
If you are ready for a year of WONDERFUL PINCH ME MOMENTS… be in touch. The time is NOW.
PS- This pic is me at the ice castle today. It was AWESOME. More pics to come when I get them from my hubby. 
