Erica Lester: The New Paradigm of Success

Keri Norley 0:02

Hello, and welcome to The Wealth Alchemist podcast. My name is Keri Norley, the host of the show and today I am so very excited to have one of my beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, most amazing soul sisters on the call with me: Erica Lester, we met two almost two and a half years ago in a quantum healing certification in Costa Rica, which has been a magical experience for both of us. And we've stayed really beautiful friends ever since. And Erica is an amazing, amazing woman who loves helping people through transitions. She is a coach and mentor for badass woman, women who are ready to live a life beyond normal. And someone who has spent a lifetime building a successful multi-six-figure business running multimillion dollar software replacement projects, and shut it all down to chase her dreams. She knows what it's like to feel stuck in the success that you have actually accomplished. I love how you said that. And she says no more to it. So today on this conversation, we are going to actually talk about the no more, we're going to talk about breaking free of the success paradigm that a lot of people actually get stuck into. So my dear friend, welcome to the show.

Erica Lester 1:14

Thank you. And it's hilarious that I just got kind of emotional listening to you talk about how we get to help people really break that paradigm and not be stuck in a success that feels like a prison. So I'm super stoked to be here. And I love hanging out with you all the time anyway. But this is gonna be super fun.

Keri Norley 1:33

I know. And you know what I love about podcasts with friends, it's like, we actually just get to have the conversations that we would normally have. Because by the way, everybody, we were actually having this conversation started before we hit record. And I was like, let's just hit record, stop! And having the conversations that we would normally have, but actually getting to share with the world because empowered women and empowered people, like we get to have these amazing conversations. But sometimes I'm like, “Gee, I wish more people could hear this epicness that- of the people that I get to hang around with.” So I'm really excited for this. And I'd love to hear you talk about a little bit like where did this you know, like, how did you get into this? And I know this is one of your passions, this transition piece. And I know it can be such a huge sticking point for people in their journey, in their career, you know, especially for successful people who've done great things. And right now, right? Like, what's the big thing that's been going on for the last year? Well, last year was, you know, this pivot, right? And like, we can feel so stuck, like, this is what I've done. This is my part of my identity. This is part of who I am, how could I possibly change? What do you mean, I don't know what that is? And then who am I? Who am I without this? And so I know this is part of your passion. So please go ahead and talk to us how this all started for you and tell us a little bit more.

Erica Lester 2:43

Yeah, absolutely. So I think like so many of us, right? We ended up in these businesses are these passions because it's something we've lived through, right? And whether you believe that- you lived through it so that you can serve this purpose, which is one of the things I believe, or you just end up going through a life experience. And for heart centered passionate people, right, we so deeply want to help others. And so for, like my bio says, for 20 years, I spent, you know, a lot of my time and energy and time building a really lucrative career, a business where I was very well respected, I could, you know, pretty much dictate my rates we had the house and the cars and vacations and all the stuff, you know, that I had done not believing and being told was the indicator of success. And when I first started down that journey, I was really passionate about what I was doing, right? I loved the idea of running big teams and like helping you know these because I specialized in government agencies helping these government agencies like do things that would make them more efficient and all of the stuff. But after I'd been in that career for a while, it started to be really repetitive. And I started to we have this failing to do something bigger in my life. I felt really trapped. Even though I had a lot of freedom in some ways, I still felt trapped in our corporate environment. And so I actually was coming from a place of like, something's wrong with me. Why am I not happy with what I have? Because I would look around me and I had no I had a lot more than the people I was surrounded by right I was happily married--

Erica Lester 4:31

-- I'm so shitty about myself because I would really just wanted to like do something different. And because I kept telling myself “what is wrong with you? Like you're never going to be satisfied. Look at you. How greedy can you be that you want more?” And those- I can distinctly remember that feeling in my body of work of me beating up on myself and not being able to talk myself out of wanting more no matter how much I be little myself. And I think it's that experience and what I've gone on to do, that really has me so lit up and so passionate about helping other people make it through those transitions, especially successful people who've built something that other people look at you and go, that's amazing, you must be so happy, you must be so proud of yourself, look at everything that you've done, right? You can just like Coach through life now. And, so that's why it's so important to me to be there and help people that are really successful, but unfulfilled, make those transitions because I just want people to understand that it doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, right, it actually means that you're supposed to be doing something bigger, and that there are more things that you get to do in this world. And I just think that we, as a society, it's time to normalize the fact that success doesn't have to be cookie cutter, it isn't cookie cutter. And it doesn't mean that just because you reached a point or a pinnacle in your life, that that's the last version of success for you that you get to experience in your life.

Keri Norley 6:12

So I want to actually talk about with that, like we were saying, but just before we got on the show, we were talking about success, and what does that actually mean and look like and I and I'd love to talk a little bit more about that here. Because I think, you know, and including my listeners, people who are looking to increase their wealth, we think or increase your money or increase your success or what your level of success is. We especially in this online space, like there is some sort of like, paradigm that we have. And I and I think you know, I've actually said this since far out, I started learning internet marketing, when internet marketing first became like a thing probably 15 years ago. And I remember thinking after years of being in the industry, and like we did the things we hit number one on Google, we became in Australia, like one of the number one, we became the number one distributor for a supplement that we were importing, like, we did the things in internet marketing world, right. But I remember in that time thinking and watching so many other people like the carrot that gets dangled in the personal development space, right? And I still think it's like, I want to, like slap that carrot out of people's hands. And I see this in a very patriarchal way, right? And it's like the, you have to have the boat and the house and the cars and, you know, we see these people in front of their cars, and they've got their, you know, Louis Vuitton shoes, and the bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, bla, and I got to have it all right. And I got to have the name brand. And I'm flying private jets. And, and this is what success looks like. Right? And I remember actually, recently, someone was posting about this for themselves. And they were like, well, but I didn't fit into that my success looks like it's kind of like an elf house with, you know, gardens and I wanted to be in a home, you know, whatever it was, it had nothing to do with, like, it was all very ecologically friendly, and all this type of stuff and had nothing to do with any of these flashy things. And so I look at, you know, what, what has been, I would say that carrot put out in front of so many people in this online space. So many coaches, I've had clients that I've worked with are like, Keri, I don't care about hitting six figures. I'm like, awesome, don't, like if you can, and this is part of I think what we look at in these paradigms is, if you can live the life that you desire at 50k a year, then go for it. Like yeah, make that your rockstar, amazing, and do it. No one said that six figures was like this, you know, I don't even know where that thing came from. Like, why, why? Why? If I can live for 80k a year, 50k a year, whatever, and I can live an epically amazing life, then don't doesn't matter. And if you want to hit a 200k a year, because that's where your thing is, and that's what you want to be, you know, that's where your success is, then do that. But it's like, we have so many of these unwritten rules of success that we've been putting in front of us that it's like, if this is not you, you are not successful, which is a whole lot of horse shit.

Erica Lester 9:04

Yeah, because it's just another box that that we're being forced into, right. And I was making multi six figures a year in my previous business, right? And I was the example of how no arbitrary number of money is going to make you happy. It is the life that you're leaving. And I would, I would go so far as to say no one really cares about money. Right? They care about what money gives them. So regardless of if what you want is a you know, a million dollar a year budget, or if what you want comes in at $100,000 a year or $12,000 a year. What are you happy with? Right. If you can live on $50,000 a year and that's all you care about, but you're spending your time trying to be a seven figure earner. I'll guarantee you that all that's leading to is unhappiness, is investing a lot of time and energy into something you don't want anyway. Um, you know, because you know me personally, right? We just recently made a really big life change, right? I gave everything up basically, kept a few things that are really sentimental to us at a storage unit. But we've recently bought a 240 square foot toy haulers so that my husband and I and our dog can take our motorcycles and travel around the country this year. Because to me, success right now looks like freedom, it looks like the freedom to do what I want, the freedom to spend as much time with my husband as I want. Because after 17 plus years of marriage, we've never been more madly in love, right? It's, it's the freedom to go experience stuff. And I'm reinventing my business in a way that allows me to do it with very little Wi-Fi, you know, and I'm looking around because I'm currently sitting in my bed with this beautiful wallpaper, I just put in our bedroom. I'm looking around at this stuff and thinking, “I've never been happier, Keri,” I have never been happier than I am right now. In this tiny trailer with my little family. My kids are adults so that that's why they're not with us. But it's like, I wouldn't have let myself go there. When I was still gauging my success based on the carrots that had been put in front of me.

Keri Norley 11:10

Yeah, the white picket fence or the big house and dah, dah, dah, dah…

Erica Lester 11:13

Wasn't happy? I have to go the hard route. Try it and go. That's not for me.

Keri Norley 11:22

It's the true statement that I say often money doesn't buy happiness, like I know people who are millionaires, multimillionaires, hundreds, you know, eight figure people, billionaires. And I can tell you that there is no level of money that you can have, that will equate to happiness. Money can buy things and experiences that can equate to a sense of freedom, if that's what you desire. But it's not what actually makes you happy. And you can have all of those things, and still be freaking miserable.

Erica Lester 11:49

Yeah, and don't get me wrong, I love money for what it does for me, I really enjoy money, and I bring it into my business. And I love the things that can buy for me and all of that. But I think this shift is and this was a big one for me, I had to let go of the money to recognize the fact that the money wasn't the thing that was gonna make me happy. And when I did that, the money started coming to me in ways that were easy. And were fun. And were flowy. And things I actually wanted to do when you know, check showing up in the mail or clients coming to find me or whatever, because it was no longer about, I'm creating money so that I can feel a certain way. It was, I feel this way. And because those are the things I love and the things I want to do and the places that I'm going and the way that my life is going to go, the money showed up to support me.

Keri Norley 12:38

I think it's a really interesting- like a really great transition place. Because ultimately, like you and I would talk about in quantum healing worlds and all of the work that we do, and emotional clearing and all this stuff, we would say like one of the number one things about manifestation that would be said is be the vibration of that which you desire. And it will show up. Now, so many people somehow get this like, it's hard for people to understand, even though it's really actually quite simple. And you fully just laid it out there. It's like be in happiness, be enjoy. And if the things that are around you, in always, people things, relationships, the way that you're showing up in your business, your clients, your home, whatever it is where you're living, it does not bring you joy, Marie Kondo it, get it out.

Erica Lester 13:23

She knows the secret to life, people.

Keri Norley 13:26

If this does not bring you joy, get it out. And if it does bring you joy, like feel the joy. And from that place from the space of joy, and bliss. That's where we allow ourselves to receive even more of that, because I want to be in that. Right. And it does. It's like, it just keeps compounding on itself. It's funny, I used to talk about compounding with money, but we can compound joy. Right?

13:50 And that's the same, it's just energy.

Keri Norley 13:52

Right? Totally. So I think it's interesting, because I think I would love to hear what you have to say in this place. Like when it comes to transitions, because I would imagine that there's a fear point here, right? Where somebody who's in a transition place wherever you are in your life, and that transition can be from, you know, corporate into a new, you know, into business. It can also be like, you know, what, we were just talking about Erica, like, from within our business and to be like, I actually do not like how I'm doing my business. And we won't have a full, you know, state, you know, hook right and be like, Well, I'm over here. I actually had someone say to me the day a friend of mine, who I've known for about 16 years, and for those of you who don't know, I started out in health like I was a massage therapist, I went into the hole health and then I did coaching, I was nutrition, but then I went into coaching and mindset things and eventually I've ended up here, but like the amount of transitions that I've had through my career as to who I am when I told them by the way, everybody actually by the time this airs, it will already been done but like I will been on the Miami crypto experience. Speaking it'll be my first time doing my first global speaking gig around decentralized finance, which is so exciting, right? But when I told my friend this, this guy, he was like “Keri, you have seen more shifts.” He's like who would have thought? And I was like from health to this to this, so today's talking about Defy. And I was like if you'd asked me a year ago, I could not if I mean, like, even though I was learning about it, then, I did not even consider I was talking to you about it then. But I never would have thought that would have been on a stage. That's not where I was, I was like, I'll just refer to people, I'll have other people I'm going to teach about it. But like, I'll just give you the programs. And now I'll just run my first program around it. I'm getting on stages around it. And I'm saying this because even within our business, we hope right sometimes, or like, we just add in a different layer, or we think, Oh, this little piece isn't working. But this piece is and like how can I it's kind of like the current in a river? How can I keep flowing with what it is? And so I say that because no matter where you are in the transition, it can be in your relationships, it can be with our health. Like, we come up against these I want to say I don't I don't like the word blocks for it, but it can feel like a resistance place. Yeah, right. And so in that, like it can feel like how do I move through this? And the answer go talk about like, you know, part of our energy and how do we shift this to be able to actually say yes to that transition? Yeah, well, I

Erica Lester 16:17

think there's a couple things that are really important here. And I'm going to go sort of biology on one hand, and like what I believe spiritually and energetically on the other. So what happens is, if you're coming to this place where you're like, I really want to change or you've started to make a change. And now you're like feeling that resistance or pulling back, there's a couple of things that are happening. One, you are coming up against the edges of your comfort zone, right? Anytime we try to transition into something we haven't been before, we are, we are exploring outside of our comfort zone, because we're going somewhere we haven't been before we're being someone we haven't been before we're doing something we haven't done before. And your mind, your brain is literally wired to go do this, the research or whatever, right, your brain is literally wired to keep you safe. And the only way the brain can really keep us safe is if it can predict the outcome of things or the potential outcomes of things. It has a better chance of doing that when you are doing the things you've always done, right? Once you start to move past your comfort zone, your mind starts to freak out and go it's not safe out there. Like you could literally die a tiger might eat, you come back here and your brain, your mind will give you every reason to throw everything at your feet to try to get you to turn around and come back to where it was just say okay, so having that awareness or having that knowledge, I believe knowledge is power. So if you understand that, that's the way your mind works. When that starts happening, you won't be telling yourself what's wrong with me beating yourself up, whatever, right? You'll just go. Okay, so this is the normal reaction to doing something different. So that is true. On the other hand, what is also true, I believe, is that those things when we're when we're, you know, upgrading or moving into a place where we've never been, are we becoming a new person or whatever, you know, Burbage or terminology she want to use. The other thing is that everything that's following alignment with that energy, right, because we're all energy, everything's energy, when you start to shift anything within you that's not in a line or in your environment that's not in alignment with that new view, is going to come up for you to deal with, yeah, to release to transition through, you know, it's, it's like you cannot take these things with you where you're going. So then the question becomes, is it more important to you to go to the place you want to be to be the person you're becoming? Or is it more important to you to hold on to those things within yourself within your environment, the people you're around, right, the beliefs you have whatever that is? Which is more important. And there's no right or wrong answer, by the way, you are not required to become someone new or to do something you've never done before. If, in this moment, the answer is the old me is more important to me or that person in my life is more important to me, then you have every right to choose to stay where you are for as long as you want. But if the answer to that question is, you know, the person will be coming or the or the place him going is more important to me, then it's your job to let those things go. And there's a lot of modalities and you're both healers out there. And this is why the coaching industry is so big right? The healing industry is so big, it's because commitment you because it's your existence, it's your life, it's your future. And nobody not me, not you not anyone on the planet is going to be able to help you transition through it. If you're more committed to your past than you are to this new future you want to create,

Keri Norley 19:53

right? It's interesting because even as you said that I was thinking to myself, you know so many people and I was like get real with yourself People, this is what I want to say like, get real with yourself. Because, you know, Erica just made a really good point. Like if you want to stay where you are stay there, right? If you want to move forward, move forward. But right when you ask yourself that question, what's the first thing that comes to you? Not the part that comes after it says, Yes, move forward, and then you talk yourself out of it? Yeah, yeah. Right. Because we're really good at that. We're really good at letting that fear talk us out of right. And we don't want to let that happen. Like, and it can be so easy. And how many times like, far out how many times do people hit the place that they wanted in success and go, Why didn't I say yes to that faster? Why did I say yes to that sooner? Because your fear stops you because you listen to the negative Nancy voice in your head that said, You can't do this. No, this isn't what you really want. Actually, it's really comfortable here. Well, if I do this, this person is going to get hurt, or I might have that person, or they might not. And like one of the biggest things. And I think you kind of touched on this that I hear from people, when we want to shift our life is Oh, but this person might not like me, if I do this, or this person might not believe in me, or I might lose this friendship or this person might fall away, or my relationship might blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's like when we hold on to these old pasts and parts of ourselves. Because ultimately, we want to be part of tribe, we want to be loved, we want to be included, we want to be, we don't want to leave the friends that we have, and it doesn't feel safe. But at the end of the day, right? I say this and like, you know, you and I can both say officially amongst ourselves that I'm going to say it's like I don't even like the word rising up. But like moving into new levels of your own existence, removing layers of the onion, right? Both of us have lost, lost, have moved through friendships, have had amazing friends in our lives that are not there anymore, have had amazing family members in our lives that are no longer really part of our day to day life. And it's not easy, and it's confronting and it can feel really scary. But on the other side of that is the most amazing soul align sisters and brothers and family that this world could possibly give you either chills, right, it's why the two of us are sitting here talking right now, because we've been willing to let go of the ones that are like, Yeah, I can still love them. But it doesn't mean I have to talk to them all the time, because they're not serving in a way that lifts me up. Right, yeah. But then we find friendships that it's like, Oh, my God, and you can say anything. And you can celebrate everything. And like the most amazing opacity, and you want to be surrounded by people that are like, when you step into this new level, they're like, yes, and celebrating you not like, oh, I don't know, if you're, you know, you couldn't possibly hit that next goal. What are you talking about? You're not good enough for that? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah let them go. Because on the other side of that, you're going to find the most amazing people in the world.

Erica Lester 22:48

Yeah, absolutely. And I will say, first of all, nothing is better than meaning yourself. And what I mean by that is, the more that you, I'm going to use the term rise, because yeah, upgrade rise, whatever, you know, the more is rising,

Keri Norley 23:03

right? Like, it's a funny word. I'm like, Oh, what do we really rising to write?

Erica Lester 23:08

Well, writers are rising, we're rising into a new level of consciousness rising into Yes, ourselves, the versions of ourselves that we really are right. And so I would say that even if your worst case scenario came true that your mind was telling you, no one's going to be there, and you're not going to have any friends or whatever, which is not true, by the way. But even if that was true, I think it's so freaking liberating and beautiful to meet yourself at that level. Yes, there's, there's nothing that compares to that. And because you do that, you get to meet all of these amazing, beautiful souls that are in alignment with you that are celebrating you. And what I found personally, is that some of the things that I feared didn't happen, the people that I really feared losing, didn't go, they met me there, the relationships got better, everything was better. Like, I don't, I don't even know if I've ever talked about this before. But there was a point where I was really terrified, I was gonna lose my husband. Not because anything happened, but because I was afraid that I was going to change so much that him and I were not any longer going to have anything in common. Wow. And what actually happened, our relationship has never been better. The more I rise, the more he rises, we feed off each other. And our relationship just keeps getting better and better. And we get closer and closer and we know each other but in a way that we never did. And it's not to say You can't predict the outcome. But oftentimes, we're afraid of things that don't even come to pass.

Keri Norley 24:46

Absolutely. Absolutely. It's interesting cuz when you say it like that. It's like when we when we come home, like rising actually means coming more home to ourselves. Yeah, right. Absolutely. And as we come home, more tours And we become even more of this authentic version of ourselves. You know, it's a funny thing because I don't, I don't look at it. Like, in the past, I wasn't authentic, I was authentic to the person that I was that. And the more that I get to know myself, I'm like, Ah, I really liked that part. Ah, I really enjoyed that piece. And I want to take that one with me, and I didn't even know that was there. And we kind of uncover places that were like, Oh, I didn't know that I could feel that immensely. I didn't know that I could experience life like this. And, and I think the more that we do that, the more real that we are, the more that we have the ability to connect, not only with ourselves, and I think that's part of the journey, right? Is what you're saying is that the more that we connect with ourselves, the more that we can connect to, and I would say this to ours, our purpose, our mission each other. And then together, we can walk the lines path. And, and in that, I think we also have a deeper level of acceptance for each other. And I say this amongst sisters amongst, you know, married couples, friendships. And I think that we go even deeper level into that it's like pure love, like, how can I have the most unconditional love for self and others. And when we go there, it's like walls start to kind of fall away. And to me, if you ask me about success, like that's it, the more that we can be real to ourselves, and show up in our in our own heart and soul first, then we can lead others to do the same. And like, that's pure success. That's pure consciousness.

Erica Lester 26:33

Absolutely. I fully agree. And I, it's funny, because as you were talking, it was like, I've come to the point now, I'm not perfect, right? I mean, I'm perfectly human. But perfectly, I have my moments, I've come to this place where even people I don't agree with, or even people I wouldn't have liked in the past, or who would frustrate me, or whose viewpoints I don't agree with or whatever, you know, people who've done me wrong, or, you know, whatever stories I was telling myself before, I now have this really innate belief that we are all connected, we are all one and that through this human experience, we're all just doing the best we can with what we know at the time. And it has taken so much pressure off me of feeling like I need to change people's minds or fix people or save people or save the world or whatever. I mean, yes, I show up for people who I can love on and support and help in the ways that that feel right for me, and the right kinds of relationships, but I don't, I don't feel the need to save the whole world anymore. And I think that's a real problem that happens in the personal development space that no one really talks about is like, there's this toxic idea that we're going to sacrifice ourselves to save someone else. And that's not success, right? That, to me is not success. That's just another trap of here's what you should do, to make yourself worthy of being alive or whatever, which I feel like, it's a lot of what we're doing when we're when we're searching for success is it's this idea that like, I've proven that I deserve to be here, and then I'm good enough. And, you know, I can do this or that or whatever. And it just, it's so freeing when you realize, like, my version of Success to me is that I'm happy. And that doesn't mean I don't have emotions or whatever. But it's like, no, I'm actually happy and content and peaceful and passionate about what I'm doing. And you know, it's all about the feeling coming from within, which is I wrote a piece on this today, because it's like anything you're chasing externally, which is how we're taught to look at success, right? Like you're successful when you hit the six figures or you're successful. Fly first class, none of that shit is ever gonna make you happy. If it doesn't come from somewhere within

Keri Norley 28:54

100% It's interesting, because when you said that, like and I and I, the word that comes to me is the altruistic, right. And it's like, so many so many people. Look, this is something I see a lot with purpose work, right? If my purpose work is not altruistic, and it isn't outside myself, like I'm going to go save others, right? My purpose on this planet is to help save this, my purpose on the planet is to do this thing that's outside of you. Right? And all of a sudden, by making it outside of you, there's something in like the brain that's like, I mean, I don't know why on a conscious level like that. It's like, oh, I'm a better person. Because my mission is, is outside. I'm doing something good for the world. Right? But the fact is, and I learned this, like, probably 15 years ago, and it was like a it was a real game changer for me. When I started to look at purpose mission work was like, if I have no control over I have no control over whether what I sit here on this podcast, whether this conversation changes any person's life. I have no control over that. Right. I do have control over the fact that it brings me joy to sit here and have this conversation. Right. Like if we are looking for our purpose and our mission to do something outside of ourselves, which doesn't mean that it can't be part of that. But if it is everything, you are setting yourself up for failure. Yeah. Because you will not you cannot control what other people do, how they experience your work, whether they're going to go take it, you know, do the things that you're asking people to do any of that. But what I can say is like, if, if, if every single day I wake up and I have my, my, my purpose being like, Does this bring me joy? Right? Is this is this is this bringing me like, happiness within myself? Right? Am I living into the deepest alignment within myself? If so, then I am living on purpose today? Did I leave in connection? Did I sit and connect with myself and source and do the things that are right by me today? Yes, good, then I'm on purpose. Right? Yeah. And if that, then because, of course, part of my purpose, I would not have this podcast, I would not be doing the book, I would not have all the work that I'm doing in the world, if part of my purpose also wasn't to be a part of change on this planet. But if I totally related it, also that I'm fully setting myself up for failure in any SOS anyone else. And I think a lot of it comes from because we think that it's selfish, it's selfish to be like, I'm gonna have a purpose. It's all about me. Oh, you're frickin’ here as a human to have a purpose. That's about you. Yeah, that's where we start with our success, right?

Erica Lester 31:27

Mm hmm. Yeah. And here's the thing, and I'm gonna talk about women for a minute, not because I don't think it's true for men, or whatever gender you, you know, you identify as my experience here that in this lifetime is as a woman. So, and that's why I work primarily with women is because I understand that experience. And I believe and have seen in my lifetime, particularly coming up in a male dominated field, right? Is we as women have been taught that our purpose and our not even our purpose, our value, as a human being, is by giving everything away. It's by you know, we're the caretakers, right? It's by taking care of people. And it's by doing all the things and it's by sacrificing ourselves. Yeah, that we, yeah, that we somehow can be valued or can value ourselves. And this is how we end up down the road of success. That doesn't fulfill us, because we have just annihilated ourselves, trying to do everything and be everything and give everything and we're overwhelmed. And we're burnout, and we're exhausted. And I don't want to live in a world full of people like that. Because here's what happens. You cannot have a positive impact on the world. If you are not fulfilled within yourself, if you are not energized within yourself, if you're not happy within yourself.

Keri Norley 32:52

First, no. Because all you're saying

Erica Lester 32:55

and all you're putting out in the world now, regardless of what's coming out of your mouth, is this overwhelmed, sad, deflated, exhausted energy from trying to be the martyr, and I'm speaking from the experience of having been there. And I still find myself doing that sometimes. So like we were talking about before we started, right, it's like, I'm reorganizing and adjusting my business. And getting back to my roots. Because I actually let myself go down that Martha route. Again, I got to the point where I was, you know, I need to help everyone and oh, my gosh, they're so sad. And they need my help. And I was just getting to the point where I was totally deflated. And I said to myself, self, you know better than this, you've already done this. But it's really invasive in our society and in the way that we were raised to feel like our value comes from serving everyone else before ourselves and never leaving anything for ourselves. So it's something I'm really passionate about. And I think it's, it's really, it's taking a lot of us to model a different way and to normalize a different way and to say, you know, I use the word selfish a lot, I don't think selfish is a bad thing. You we need to be more selfish, because we can't do what we came here to do. We're being we came here to be, unless we're taking care of ourselves first. So I'm so glad you brought that

Keri Norley 34:17

up. Absolutely. Okay, so I want to start to bring some tips into this. So like, if people are in transitional places, and they've heard all of this, and they're like, Oh, my God, I think I can actually do this for emotion. Right? And again, wherever you are in your life, and it doesn't matter whether it's from health or business or relationships or within your business or moving a career, right, what are some things that people can start to do to I would even say, like connected and make some of these decisions and like, how do we start to move on to this new path?

Erica Lester 34:50

Yeah, I think for me, the biggest one is getting back in touch with your desires. Because what happens as we're moving through life and being shunted to death, you know, is that We start making decisions based on what we think we're going to get a response, you know what someone else is going to think of us or what we think we should do or whatever. And we actually forget what it feels like to desire something for desires sake, right? And I believe that your soul is leading you forward, the things that you desire are really your full path. But it's so easy to get disconnected because we don't let ourselves have those.

Keri Norley 35:24

I was going to add in here, I think even I would even put to the table that many people have never ever, ever let themselves actually feel into drop into their truest desire.

Erica Lester 35:39

Or, at least since they were tiny children. Right? A little kids are really good.

Keri Norley 35:42

Really amazing. Really amazing. Yeah, amazing. But I think in adulthood, I think a lot of people we put that like ceiling onto ourselves, like, I couldn't possibly that's too much of a dream. That's not no, that's not for me. And we shove it down before we even allow like, I can be a fully embodied woman that wants to be in the sensual goddess sexy, powerful, making shit tons of money, whatever the thing is, right? And yes, you can absolutely frickin have it all. And like the question like when you say that is like, really what is the desire, like if there was nothing in this world that could stop you

Erica Lester 36:18

that and you were fully safe, and you were fully set. The other thing is, as women in particular, again, that's my experience, right? It's like, a lot of us dim down what we want, because we don't feel safe, right? We'd have too much attention or, you know, something bad might happen, or whatever, we really let ourselves be that fully sensual, turned on passionate, wildly wealthy, free version of ourselves. For somehow we end up feeling like that would put a target on our back. So I think the question is true story. What do you desire if you felt fully safe, and fully capable of having anything you wanted? Yes, and I think, plays a really good tool here. You know, like we were talking about little kids are really good at this. So bringing in intentional play into your life, whether that's, you know, coloring or dancing around the house, or, you know, going to a park like reconnecting with that part of yourself that used to do things. For the sheer joy of it. I have found to be a really powerful tool to starting down that road of like, well, what do I really want? Because if you sit down and ask someone who hasn't let themselves have what they want, and 20, 30, 40 years, right to confront someone, and I would have felt the same way to confront someone with the question of what do you really desire? I would have been like, I don't know, like, yeah, I don't know, I'm so disconnected, I have no idea. And so I think starting small starting to play again, starting to do things like have an ice cream cone and remember what it was like, as a child, when you got to go out for ice cream and how, you know, amazing that experience was and how present you were in the moment, right? Like starting really small in a way that allows you to explore what that means. Because those smaller things feel safer, right then trying to jump to, you know, whatever it is that you really, truly are desiring. Just follow the breadcrumbs.

Keri Norley 38:12

Yes, so funny that you said ice cream. Because it's so funny. By the way, that's my alarm that is asking me how am I feeling? Because I have an alarm to remind myself, because it's true, right? We can go through the day. And we can be like, totally, it's again, it's it's exactly what you're talking about. Funny that it came up literally right now about connection, right? That's reminding me connect like, Hmm, okay, just take a moment to myself. And this is a really great tip for anyone here, right? It's literally on my phone. I have a few that go out throughout the day. And it's like, oh, okay, take a moment. Keri, where are you? How are you in this moment? What do you need right now? What does your body need? What does your mind need? What does your energy levels need? How are you actually feeling? Because we can walk around our lives and never realize how in heaven's name we feel. And if we don't have any connection to that, then we can't actually do anything like am I feeling sad right now? Okay, cool. Well, do I need to do something about feeling sad right now? It can I cry? No. Okay. Yes, I could I do it five minutes. I could cry right now? Or am I feeling really happy? Can I just be present to this happy and joyful moment? Right. And I think that even right, there is like a really beautiful way to just start to feel right, just start to feel where you are so that you can even begin to tap into these desires. Because if you're that disconnected and I know and I I frickin have an alarm, I get it people. Right? If you're that disconnected that you forget, and you never check in, then How in heaven's name are you going to know what's like what you want to move forward to if you're not even present to where you are? And I think as well when we get present to where we are, we can also feel immense gratitude. Like it brings me so much gratitude because like, the amount of times the emotion or how I'm feeling is I feel so grateful that right now I'm sitting talking to one of my dear soul sisters, and I'm having the best conversation about something that I get to bring to the world. Ah, yes, my heart is on fire. And I want to do more of this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much universe for allowing me to have this experience of life. Yeah. And then we create more.

Erica Lester 40:10

And I love that your alarm went off, because I think the thing that we get to normalize in this moment is you don't get there, right? Like, it's a journey for all of us. It's not like we're sitting here as experts who reached some pinnacle of, you know, life or whatever. And we don't, you know, we don't tend or we don't work our way through our own stuff. We do the work, because we know what it does. And yeah, it gets easier because it comes becomes your way of being or whatever, you know, now, when I look at the clock, anytime I look at the clock, I do that. I just take a moment and I check in how do I feel? I'm good. Okay. What do I need in this moment? Okay, can I give myself that right now, because sometimes I can't write some of the five minutes from a client on it's like, well, no, but I will when I'm done, okay. But yeah, being super present to that. And I was the queen of never, I was so uncomfortable stopping moving. Because every time I start, this just rush of like information and emotion and stuff that I've been running from would catch up with me. And so I wouldn't stop, I would, you know, I'd be after the next thing and doing the next thing, until I reached the point where I just started randomly crying, because I had packed so much emotion into my body and not dealt with it and not been present with myself, and all of a sudden was just like leaking. You know, so I totally understand what it feels like. But there's such a beautiful experience to be had, when you start to love on it and accept all of you, even the stuff that we've been told is bad or negative, or achy, or, you know, uncomfortable or whatever, like coming to a space where you have availability and openness for all of you, no matter what you're going through. I think that's really what coming home is.

Keri Norley 41:59

And it comes and it's so interesting to think the word that just keeps coming to me, as you said, this is stillness. You know, so many of us are afraid of stillness.

Erica Lester 42:07

I was I,

Keri Norley 42:10

I still I still write, and like I'm working with somebody right now on overcoming I, you know, he's his addictions, but things like, is really distraction. It's like, all of our, you know, I'm gonna say I'm on video, quote, unquote, thing. But so many of our addictions are actually just distractions. So like the phone this weekend, I took Facebook off my phone, it's been freedom, but it was, it has been an addiction. And I'm not alone, there's many of us who are on social media to our phones to need to be on user connect, I need to, I need to, I need to feel something, or I don't want to sit here. I don't want to feel this. I don't want to feel this. And it's like, so we don't, we don't come into this place of stillness. And it's from that place of stillness that you will hear your desires, not the desires of the world, not that carrot that's been dangled out in front of you, not what you think somebody else thinks of you is supposed to be a success, or your family or your parents. I mean, this is so true, right? How many of us are living our parents’ dreams? Right? Not that. But in the stillness, you can hear your own voice, the deep one, the one that actually is telling you, this is the next step. You are, you are safe, because you create relationship with yourself in this stillness that allows you to feel safe within yourself. And then you can move forward one little step at a time. And from that one little step at a time, might we open a door and I say this, I actually did a podcast. I don't know where it's going to be. It'll be in and around here somewhere. I didn't want to record it when yesterday on a solo one, talking about overcoming mindset blocks. And I was saying like, you know, we don't it doesn't happen, like a huge Gosh, that just comes in. It's like, No, I take one step. So the first step today is maybe for you to go put an alarm on your phone, and have check ins. And then maybe the next thing is okay, I'm gonna allow myself one minute of stillness today, if that's enough for you. And then you can build that. Okay, not today. It's five minutes of stillness. How can I how can I not have a distraction for even longer, so that I can sit here and hear myself? And then from there, you might get the message that oh, I'm supposed to call Erica. I'm supposed to call Keri. I'm supposed to go for a walk down the street. And you go to the walk down the street, or you're supposed to go get a coffee. I don't I'm not a coffee drinker, but am I supposed to go get a coffee from Starbucks, you're supposed to do that. And in that place, you meet the most phenomenal human being. And then you have this conversation that sparks something off and you're like, Oh, I know. I know. But it's in these little tiny moments and these micro decisions, that everything unfolds, and I think so many people expect it to be some like rushing like I totally know everything. But really, it's these moments of stillness that allow us to write.

Erica Lester 44:55

Yeah, good. It was just gonna say I think that's it. That's really present for me. And in terms of tips and like things that you can do, no matter where you're at in your journey, no matter where you are in life, or what your beliefs are one of the most powerful tools we have, is intention. And we've been done a real disservice by being taught that like, things are out of our control, or, you know, focusing externally on all of the stuff, and not being present in the moment. And I think this is the power of being president a moment is when you were doing things, it doesn't matter what it is, it could be what you're eating, or what you're writing, or where you're going or you know, whatever. Setting an intention for the thing that you want, or desire out of that experience, whether it's a feeling or an outcome or whatever. But being really intentional with your time and your energy, and your presence is such a game changer. And I think that's why the alarm on the phone is so powerful is because it like brings you back, you are a freaking powerful being right? All these immensely powerful, limitless beings. And we're playing this game like we're not, and just putting an intention to the actions you take, or the things that you do or the time you spend on things, that the outcome you would like to experience will change the experience for you. And it's easy, like if I'm saying intention, and you're like, I don't know what this was talking about. She's some spiritual nutcase or whatever. setting an intention or being intentional is easy. It's just being present for what you want. Why are you doing the thing you're doing? Or why are you showing up the way that you're showing up for you know, spending time on whatever, like, what is the outcome and I say alchemy, just be a feeling could be a physical outcome, whatever it is, right? For example, when I work out, which sometimes is very consistently, sometimes it's really sporadic. But I won't do it without being intentional about why I'm doing it. Why What do I want to feel from this experience? What changes in my body? Do I want to experience it? You know, what mental changes? How do I want to feel? Generally, it's about you know, like, spirit clearing energetic space within me and being really present and available for whatever I'm calling in, right? Like, be intentional with the things that you're doing in life and ask for what you want.

Keri Norley 47:21

Ah, whoa, whoa, stop. Okay, so I know I'm like, we have to I know we have to, we can talk for ages about all of this. So is there anything that you want to finish as we finalize this amazing conversation around success, what that looks like this new paradigm of success transitions and how we how we do this gracefully.

Erica Lester 47:46

Two things came up as we were speaking, one, the new paradigm of success, I don't think we dove into that, in, I don't think we named it that that's exactly what we're talking about. It's like understanding that success is personalized to you. And that's okay. And if you're listening to this, I am pretty sure that you're someone who is really motivated by leaving the world a better place helping other people, right, because of course, Keri, that's who you attract. And that's who I attract as well. And it's this idea that like, when we normalize success, being whatever it is, that fills us up, that makes us happy that that leaves us feeling fulfilled, that is what matters. And so the more of us that dive into that, the more we're getting permission to others to, to do the same thing. And we're literally changing the world, by allowing ourselves to be selfish enough to have the success that's ours and not someone else's. So that's super important to me. And it's really the driving factor behind what I do. Because I do think that's how we change the world. And the other thing is, is that just start, right, if you're listening to this and you're feeling overwhelmed, or you don't know what to do, or you have this painting for something else, just allow yourself to start whether it's the tips that we gave today, whether it's you know, reaching out to someone, whatever it is, so allow yourself to start and give yourself the gift of being curious and playful, and available. For whatever the experience might be, you know, you may not know all the steps, you're probably never gonna know all the steps, but just taking the first step will trigger this. I'm speaking from personal experience that will trigger this path that will lead you to the place that you're craving to be.

Keri Norley 49:31

So beautiful. The thing I'll add to that, that came to me as you were speaking, is in order to begin, if you're in this place, I think one of the greatest questions you can ask yourself in the curiosity is what if, what if, what if, what if I could, and it opens up a door. What if I could do this? What if I did transition over there and everything went amazingly well, and I did make the money and I did find the man and I did have the hot body. What if? What if that was possible? Then from there? What step would I take? Right? Not it not like not, I'm gonna say this carefully, carefully. My what if question, right now we want to spiral up the question. We don't want to spiral down the question, right? Because you could go into a hellhole. Yes, I'm gonna say I have for sure. I'm pretty sure everybody listening is probably spiraled into the downward spiral of what if? So, I'm going to ask you to spiral onto the upward spiral of what if, of what if, what if this was possible? What if I could? What if I could, and allow the curiosity to take you where it goes. And you don't have to actually, in those moments, do anything, just ask the question, and then see where your soul guides you. And in that you open up a whole slew of possibility. Instead of closing down to I also call it Greenlight thinking, right? We just allow the green light to go, there is no pause, there is no stop, there is no judgment, anything that comes out in this Greenlight thinking if you start to get curious, after you've gotten things and ideas and all these things, you can then you know, do your human self and figure out if it's the right thing, according to your human ego self. Which may have something to tell you, but like, allow yourself the greenlight, allow yourself to go to the places where you never thought possible, because it's from those places that the most amazing magic is born.

Erica Lester 51:34

Yeah, I love that you said open the door, because that really is what it's like, you just crack the door a little bit and stuff starts showing up. But if you're not present in the moment, and you're not paying attention to what's going on around you, you don't see it. And I will tell you, it's happening all the time, whether you're paying attention or not, you're being you know, gets into opportunities or nudged in directions or you know, given a sign or whatever. But if we're not paying attention, if we're not present in the moment, if we're not aware of it, then we're not getting the signs, right, we're not getting the guide, we're not seeing the lit path in front of us. And so, absolutely, it really can be easy, as easy as just asking the questions and being present with the answers and what shows up. So I love that so much.

Keri Norley 52:17

So beautiful. Thank you, my dear, thank you. I love this conversation. I hope it has helped all of these beautiful listeners, whoever's hearing this, to really start to move towards whatever that thing is for you that is success and really start to redefine it for yourself into this new paradigm of success of you allowing yourself to be, the success that you desire, regardless of when any other human being on this planet says. Yeah. And on that note, Miss Erica, how do people find you? Where can they come and connect with you? Oh, this is so good.

Erica Lester 52:46

So Facebook and Instagram is where I spend most of my time. And yeah, I just actually just, I'm still working on getting it into the Google and Apple app stores. But I just finalized my first app, which makes my little geeky heart so freakin’ happy. And the web apps live now. So if you come find me on Instagram, I'm at Erica dot j dot Lester, you can actually go get the app for free. There's a little mini course in there that's healthy, wealthy, wild and free, which is all about what we've been talking about. And we've got a community chat in there and come connect with me on it. I'm getting your feedback from ask for stuff, whatever it is. I'm just so stoked about this right now and getting this message out. So I love talking to people and I love having this conversation. So please, please come find me.

Keri Norley 53:37

I'm so excited for you in this app. It's gonna be amazing. Thank you, my dear, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. And I'm so grateful that you've been able to come on I mean, by the way everybody this is like months. This is like months in the making. But everything in all divine timing. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you for inspiring and for everyone listening in thank you for being here as well. We love hearing from you. So please do message we both love to hear from people. So message us what came up for you if there's any actions you've taken what has shifted in your life because of this message today. We'd love to hear from you and otherwise I will see you on the show next week.